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LoriG215
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# Posted: 24 Mar 2009 09:34
I have a question regarding baby shower etiquette. Two of the last three baby showers I have been invited to have been "Adults Only". When I RSVP'ed, I informed the hostess that my child (16 mo) would be attending with me, and was told no children were allowed. One young lady informed me that she had "too much artwork and glass" for me to bring my child. Another stated that her home was not childproofed. Both seem to be valid reasons, but in both cases the mommy-to-be was not aware of this restriction. Both mommies stated to me at a later time that they would have loved to have had me AND my child at their shower. One poor mommy only had 4 people show up at her shower, because most of her friends have kids -who were not welcome around the "artwork and glass". (The one shower that we did attend had a spare room set up as a playroom for the children of the guests, with the honoree's sister-in-law to supervise. It was fun for all of us- adults and kids!)
Now I have been invited to another baby shower for a friend, and I would really like to go. However, once again when I responded to the invite and asked if my child was welcome, I was told no. I let the hostess know at that time to change my RSVP to maybe, because sometimes my husband gets called in to work Saturdays which would mean I would need to be available for our child. This is what the hostess said to me: "We want everyone to be able to relax and enjoy X's shower without a bunch of kids running around. Just get a sitter!".
So here is my question...when did baby showers become so unfriendly towards babies? I realize that the purpose of the shower is to honor the mother-to-be, but in my case none of these women knew there was a child-restriction on their special day. And why would you not welcome children at a party to welcome the arrival of a child? It just seems rude to me...maybe I am wrong. My husband thinks I am over-reacting, but I for one do not want to be somewhere that my child is not welcome.
Anyone else feel this way? Or am I just crazy.....
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 13 Apr 2009 02:03
I completely agree with you. I will be throwing a shower soon, and one guest just had a baby. I thought it would be great if she wanted to bring the baby to remind everyone what a sweet bundle of joy we are welcoming into the world, and not just gathering to play silly games. I would think bringing a baby would get everyone ooohing and awwwing and excited for a new arrival more than guessing what kind of chocolate is in the diaper, lol.
I think what the most recent hostess told you was very rude. Does she have children? If not, I bet she doesn't understand. I would try to kindly explain your case again, and if she continues to be rude, I would probably not go to the shower.
Also, sadly even if the mommy-to-be would welcome your child at the shower, it's probably not at her own house, where she would be able to override the decision...
Anyway, I just wanted you to know it's not just you! And this made me think of a good theme for a baby shower. Duh... BABIES. Everyone should be able to bring their small kids and babies for everyone to love, and for mommy-to-be to get in some last minute practice!
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 11 May 2009 16:13
The problem is not with the small bundle of joy attending the shower but with the larger bundles of joy who parents think are soooo adorable that they don't discipline them. I personally don't want to have to share the spotlight on my special day with your whining, irritable, watch little Johnny say his ABCs child who sticks his hand in the onion dip at the buffet table. No this may not be your particular situation but we've all had enough bad experiences that you really can't blame people for being leery of allowing a bunch of kids into their home. Also, it's not the hostess' responsibility to provide a separate space and a sitter for your convenience. I'm with the hostess, get your own sitter and enjoy a day of adult conversation.
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sue
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# Posted: 16 May 2009 17:36
I recently attended a baby shower..EVERYONE brought their children. A infant should be allowed with it's mother.
BUT the older children shouldn't have been there. Approx.35 children, screaming, into the food at the buffet table. I have never seen such a terrible shower in my Life. The children ruined it..when the new mom opened her gifts , there was so much commotion I didn't hear, who gave what gift. One child was actually under the guests table , going through guests pocketbooks. Was horrible.
June 14th My daughter is having her baby shower..she is having "Triplets" there will be approx 95 women. We rented a country club. I am praying that the young mothers, only bring the new babies..& NOT their older children. It's going to be enough, with our guests, without having 25-50 children running around...getting into buffet and other decorations. The only children invited are 13 yrs old and my daughters God Children.,,But we did NOT specify NO children either...So will have to wait & PRAY!!!
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Bernadette
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# Posted: 1 Jun 2009 22:01
OMG!!! I have 4 kids and have had 6 showers-kids were at every one! There were no problems at all with any of the kids. Because my FRIENDS attended. If one of my kids or anybody else's acted up one of us corrected the child. Friends can do that. If you just invite everybody you have ever met in hopes of getting alot of things then you may run into problems. Yes showers are about the mom-to-be but I would rather have my friend who has a child bring her child than not be able to come at all.
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Miss T
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# Posted: 2 Jun 2009 03:47
I agree that only little children should be allowed to attend, no one wants an unpleasant situation.
My Friend & I are arranging a baby shower for our best friend, there won't be many people but I cannot wait for little bundles of joy with ten tiny fingers & toes!
So im holding thumbs for babies!!!
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Kay
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# Posted: 3 Sep 2009 14:05
And I don't even think infants should be at a baby shower. The day is supposed to be special for the mother to-be, and an infant can steal her thunder! That mother presumably had her own baby shower where she was the star of the show.
And when and invitation is addressed to you, it means you....not you and a date, or you and your kids, or you and your girlfriend. When you ask a hostess if you can bring your date, child/ren, pal to an event, it is presumptuous and puts her in an uncomfortable postion.
Just my two cents.....that's all it's worth, I know..........
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 15 Sep 2009 06:39
I have a 13 month old. He is an adorable, very well behaved child, but is at the stage where he wants to get into everything. The hostess should not have to completely rearrange her home to child proof it for someone else's child. Get a baby sitter, enjoy the day celebrating the new mom's joy and realize there will be many, many events where your child will not be welcome.
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showerdiva
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# Posted: 28 Sep 2009 14:08
I am about to host a shower for my bestfriend on Saturday. I have put alot of work into a creative theme & decor, as well as alot of coordination for this function of about 26-30 women. And then one of my bestest friends tells me she is bringing her 3 yr old. FINE. I just wanted to inform her that her child would be the only one there and the setup of the shower was alot more formal than she probably expected, with formal table seatings, etc. That way she would have a head's up of what she was getting herself into. I would want to know if it was the other way around. Also I wanted to make sure I had a chair for her daughter next to her, etc. The shower is not at my house and is not at a very child friendly home. Unlike her own shower where there were tons of kids everywhere and it was just more of an informal cookout with people everywhere & anywhere, sitting on the floor, no decor, etc. There will be tables & seating, etc. I dont see how my friend is going to enjoy the shower and be able to play games & chat.. as 3 yr olds need constant attention, supervision & activity. The worst part is she got such an attitude with me and acted as if I dont understand what its like to be a mom, etc. She actually said, its a baby shower for Gods sake, not a formal dance. I can see it now.. As I try to host and coordinate games, I am constantly interuppted by the voice of a 3yr old.. Mommy Look. MOMMY! MOMMY Everyone will Ohhh & Ahhhh she when arrives, but when its time to try to run a smooth relaxing shower, she will be a pain in my neck. MY OWN KID WOULD BE A PAIN IN MY NECK. And I am SOOOO sick & tired of mothers taking personal offense to their kids not being invited to certain events. You wanted children. YOU HAD CHILDREN.Children should not be welcome EVERYWHERE. Get over it. What about having respect for the hostess.. for all the planning, coordinating, time & money she has put into this. To you a baby shower is NO BIG DEAL.. but thats because its not your time or money that has gone into it. Its not my job to make this shower child friendly.. its my job to make sure the mom to be has a wonderful time. I will say every child is different & every age group is different. But personally if your children doesnt fit snuggly into your arms or can play unsupervised THEN your child doesnt belong.
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 30 Sep 2009 19:35
If it's a formal shower, then children should be restricted. However, I have rather informal parties and this time I even have a play center for the kids to play on so they don't get bored. So many mothers would not be able to make it if they couldn't bring their kids. Babysitters cost and none of us are rich. I make it a point to incorporate the children into the party. Fortunately, there aren't 30 of them showing up at the small parties we have.
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veronica
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# Posted: 3 Oct 2009 00:42
I just recently went to a baby shower where it was held at a park and I think if weather permits it should be and then there should be no problem for kids to come. I also understand it depends on their age and how well behaved they are and if they've been taught any manners. The shower is for the mother to be and the spotlight should be on her. I think it also depends on the parent of the children attending if the child is very active and how much supervision the child will need because the parent bringing the child will also want to spend time with others and the mom to be. I feel it should be discussed with the mother to be and let her help make the decision about other kids attending and if there would be something for them to do.
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 4 Oct 2009 07:23
I am a mother of 2 and dearly love my children...but there are times and places that it is very appropriate to NOT have children present. I stongly believe any sort of wedding/shower/adult party is one of them. I don't care if it is a baby shower. It is not a playdate. It is about the GUEST OF HONOR not about your children. Please think about what they want and respect the host/hostess as well. Please get a sitter well in advance. If the inviatation has strictly your name on it...then you are the ONLY one invited. It is has your name and family or you and your children's names...well that is a different story.
Both my bridal and baby showers were adults/ladies only. I loved it that way...we were able to chat without the daily distractions of our beautiful (but let's face it, very distracting and messy) children. My wedding/reception was a family event and the invitation made it very clear. It was much more of a family environment. I have been to many where it was the opposite and I gladly got a sitter.
AMEN SHOWERDIVA!
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Jellie Bean
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# Posted: 23 Oct 2009 10:10
Well, I'm about to host a shower and I am allowing babies/children to attend because otherwise I'd be left without any guests for the mother to be (in this situation). However, I did rent a hall that doesn't have any thing children can really destroy so that's why. If hosting any type of shower in my home was my only option I probably would 1) not host or 2) not allow children. Why? I'm sorry but, a lot of parents do not discipline their children. Maybe some parents do but, some don't. To me - it's just not cute to see Junior running around popping balloons and ripping my hard to setup decorations and dropping red punch on my white carpet. This is about the mother to be not about a play date for someone who can't find a sitter. So, if someone is hosting in their home I can see why it would be adults only. Children who are ill mannered can make a mess in a host's home especially if it's not child proof.
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amber
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# Posted: 19 Jan 2010 16:37
This day is for the mom to be. I think any mother that gets in a tizzy about not bringing her child needs to get over it. This day is not about her. I have 3 children and would of never asked to bring my child to a baby shower. Unless a play area is set up to keep them busy the hostess should not be expected to do so. You moms(shame on you) Get a sitter! I'm hosting a baby shower in 2 weeks for a mom to be expecting her second. Her first is 5. She got someone to watch her 1st child so she could enjoy her time with friends and family. Yes, it's called a baby shower, but NO, it's not a Baby play date.
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what's the deal
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# Posted: 4 Feb 2010 10:16
I am a mom to be. My sister is suppose to be giving me a shower. She is upset because I made the request not to have kids there. She has 3. Two of which she was planning on having there. She didnt ask me if I would like them to be there, she just made the decision. I feel that is rude. The baby shower should be a relaxed environment. A baby shower usually last for only 2-3 hours. What is the big deal to want a no kid event? Shouldnt it be about the mom to be and not a free for all with kids?
I know she with the help of others are throwing me the party, but shouldnt she take in consideration of what I want?
This is the only baby shower I will ever have. (dont most people only have one?)
I dont think I am being ridiculous or selfish by wanting a nice relaxed atmosphere where I can enjoy my friends and family who came there to celebrate.
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Sandy
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# Posted: 17 Feb 2010 00:34
I'm hosting a shower for mommy-to-be's twins. She has a 3-yr. daughter, they'e coming almost 100 miles for this, most of her friends here have children around her age.... solution, got a hall with an adjacent playroom & am getting color books, crayons, etc. for the kids to enjoy & someone to take care of them while we enjoy the games, etc. Everyone is happy, because not everyone who wants to be at the shower can get a sitter, so figure I'm helping Mommy out by giving her 3-yr.old a play date with friends she doesn't get to see too often. If it were at my home, another story!!!!
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elletn
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# Posted: 18 Feb 2010 18:53
I think that when you plan the party yourself and deal with all of the arrangements, then you can pass judgment. If someone does not plan for children to be there then by bringing them you have disrespected their efforts in throwing their loved one a special party.
Yes it is a party celebrating the upcoming birth of a child, but it is also a last chance for the mommy to see and relax with her friends before she losses all of her free time. Children, no matter how well behaved, can take away from that relaxation and fun.
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 11 Mar 2010 11:36
what kind party is babyshower party with parents who havent had kids ?
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 31 Mar 2010 09:25
keep your kids at home with any kind of shower.
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nicole
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# Posted: 2 Apr 2010 10:50
Im sorry but i dont agree. Some parties are not meant for children to attend & if you cant find a babysitter then unfortunately you should decline. It is actually rude to ask a hostess to bring or assume your child should be invited. If you would like to host a shower with children allowed then you should. the hostess has requested adults only & that is her decision. My family does not prefer young children at parties either. It is not enjoyable to have them interfere with the opening of presents & festivities throughout the party. As for the mothers who sd they would of prefered your attendance they are simply being polite. they would not tell you otherwise to avoid being rude. As most people know the mothers to be generally are well aware of these things prior. regardless if they dont its the hostess perogative as to who they invite or not invite.. sorry im not trying to be rude but this is true for many cases.
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Samantha
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# Posted: 2 Apr 2010 10:52
i dont not think it is polite to ever question a hostess or attempt to bring a child to a shower. they dont belong there for a variety of reasons. i agree you should find child care or not attend.
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beakersmomma
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# Posted: 5 Apr 2010 09:13
I'm 30 weeks pregnant, and my Mom and sister think I'm completely off my rocker for not wanting children at my shower. I understand it's a baby shower, but it's MY baby shower. Even though the invite CLEARLY states no children, adults only, several people, my sister included, have asked about bringing their children. What part of no kids don't people get?
It's going to be at my house, and with 20+ people, hardwood floors and 2 birds (my birds), I can just see the catastrophe it would be with children there. 20+ people there is MORE than enough people to be in my house to begin with. Add about 10 kids to the mixture, the kids wanting to play with/pet the birds (can you imagine some kid screaming because they want to pet the birdie, and me wanting to beat the living crap out of the kid because they won't leave my birds alone, and the parent, of course, not doing a damn thing), dropping or breaking something on the wood floors (yeah, my hard wood floors need 10+ kids running around on them), banging their head on the glass entertainment center...I can see it now, and it is NOT something I want to deal with. Having to deal with the stress of a shower is bad enough, I don't need bratty kids running around sending me into anxiety-land. If you can't come to a baby shower without your kid(s), don't come at all. It's a baby shower, not a kid's party.
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nic
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# Posted: 8 Apr 2010 15:04
beakersmomma i couldnt agree with you more. good for you for saying NO. i dont get why people STILL ask even when its clear NO CHILDREN.. its so rude of them.
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hh
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# Posted: 14 Apr 2010 12:51
I'm about to have my baby shower hosted by a good friend who has a beautifully appointed adult home. I love her place and wouldn't want her to go to any more work above planning and decorating for the party to then packing up half of her home to protect the children or her valuables from being damaged.
I want to enjoy the afternoon with my girlfriends with a lovely ladies lunch type of event. A number of my guests have RSVPed to include their children who were not on the invitation. How do you handle this? I don't want the distraction of their children there for me, my other friends and them. No matter how adorable their children are I don’t want them there and the hostess is not prepared to also host a handful of kids with a sitter or a play room. For the Mom's who have asked me if they could bring their children it has put me in an uncomfortable position to have to say no. Basically invitations are about including and shouldn’t have to say adults only for guests to understand who is invited. The name of the invited guest is on the invitation that is it, no dates, spouses, children or pets if they are not specified. There will be plenty of other events to include the kids, like future birthday parties or play dates. Let me have my day with out the distraction of your children and let me celebrate it with you with out you being distracted by your children.
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RCC
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# Posted: 15 Apr 2010 09:17
I can understand a No Children request at a Bridal Shower. I don't take my children to them because I don't want them seeing anything raunchy. However, a baby shower is to welcome a child. It all seems a little like a primadonna complex by the mom-to-be. They don't want to share any attention with the kids. A recent baby shower caused a big problem in our family because it was co-ed so both the mother and father were invited but they also requested no kids. So my husband has to stay at home to watch the kids so one of us can go. In that case I think you need to pick, co-ed or no babies but not both, that makes it hard on the attendees to figure out who's going and who isn't.
BTW, I really get a kick out of how some of the mom's-to-be here describe other people kids, lol. And you want to be a mom and you think kids are that horrible. Sheesh.
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 23 Apr 2010 09:54
I'm having a baby shower on June 5th that my mother is planning at a venue. It's not going to be formal, but she is putting a lot of money and planning into this shower. We plan on playing games, opening gifts, eating and having a good time. I do not mind children being there at all! I understand that some people cannot find a sitter. I would rather my friends and family be there for my special day and be happy with me letting their children attend. If I told them their children could not attend, then there might be some tension, and I don't want that! I'm a nice person, and I want everyone to have a good time, not just myself because what's a shower without the people?
I do however, dislike it when children act out and their parents don't do anything. BUT, if that happens at my shower, there will be nothing I can do about it. All of my friends and family are not uptight.
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Dee
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# Posted: 12 May 2010 00:30
No it is not just u ! The 2 grandma's r doing the shower for mom to be,"It is her day"! Everyone else has their day in 1 way or another ! We put on the invitations " No Children".We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or cause conflict.We r putting time,thought & money in this shower so that everyone will have a nice time.There is not a special room for children.Tables are small,there will be decorations,wrapped gifts,a special cake on a low table & hot food.We r not mean grandma's but we r putting alot into this & we want everyone to be able to hear & play the games,enjoy the food, & the adult time.We don't want a running child burnt by hot food or coffee,we want the cake,decorations & gifts to stay intake.We want just 2-3 hours of your time alone{which u should enjoy}.I don't think that's asking too much.U might even win a nice prize that u could miss out on if u had a fussy bored child with u.We r trying to make this a nice event for everyone who attends.If u can't [won't] understand that,we r sorry that u will be missing out.
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beakersmomma
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# Posted: 25 May 2010 12:40
RCC, while I certainly understand it's shower meant for a child that is coming into the world, not everyone has the same views on this. Some people are perfectly okay with having children there, some people aren't.
If I had the luxury of having a larger space, perhaps I wouldn't have minded children being there, but considering we already had close to 30 adults coming, the hard wood floors, the birds, the glass entertainment center, and lack of space (my living room), having children simply wasn't an option. Not to mention that having children at a function like this means having to purchase more food, more drinks, more supplies, which also means more money, which not everyone has a ton of, especially in these hard times.
If people can't manage to go somewhere for 2-3 hours sans children, well, I don't really know what to tell them. It's not that children are bad, or not liked, I think it's more that there is a time and place for children to be somewhere, and not everyone has the same theory/opinion that children belong at a baby shower.
As for how some of us describe kids, while I love my niece as I would my own, and obviously love my soon to be son, I still loathe most people's children. You can love your children, and still not like other people's children.
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xoxoxo
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# Posted: 8 Jun 2010 15:20
I think that most people that are hostessing the baby shower take hours upon hours to make sure the mommy to be day's very special and unforgettable. I have been working on my best friends baby shower for that past couple of months and to have loud and misbehaved children around would really upset not only my best friend but me also. If your child must attend the shower with you just remember discipline. It it not the time of day to show off your child or on the other hand let your child show off and ruin the whole day.
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 10 Jun 2010 12:11
It is a "BABY SHOWER" for the incoming baby, not a "BABIES, CHILDREN ETC shower".
My house my rules, my party my rules.
To expect otherwise is completely self-centered, rude, and unfair to the host and mother-to-be.
Bottom line; it is not YOUR party.
You are to focus on the guest of honor, not 15 kids running around.
When you have a party; you can do it however you want. One would hope no one would tell you how to do it, they should repsect your rules. Unless you are in charge: go with the flow...
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