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LoriG215
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# Posted: 24 Mar 2009 09:34
I have a question regarding baby shower etiquette. Two of the last three baby showers I have been invited to have been "Adults Only". When I RSVP'ed, I informed the hostess that my child (16 mo) would be attending with me, and was told no children were allowed. One young lady informed me that she had "too much artwork and glass" for me to bring my child. Another stated that her home was not childproofed. Both seem to be valid reasons, but in both cases the mommy-to-be was not aware of this restriction. Both mommies stated to me at a later time that they would have loved to have had me AND my child at their shower. One poor mommy only had 4 people show up at her shower, because most of her friends have kids -who were not welcome around the "artwork and glass". (The one shower that we did attend had a spare room set up as a playroom for the children of the guests, with the honoree's sister-in-law to supervise. It was fun for all of us- adults and kids!)
Now I have been invited to another baby shower for a friend, and I would really like to go. However, once again when I responded to the invite and asked if my child was welcome, I was told no. I let the hostess know at that time to change my RSVP to maybe, because sometimes my husband gets called in to work Saturdays which would mean I would need to be available for our child. This is what the hostess said to me: "We want everyone to be able to relax and enjoy X's shower without a bunch of kids running around. Just get a sitter!".
So here is my question...when did baby showers become so unfriendly towards babies? I realize that the purpose of the shower is to honor the mother-to-be, but in my case none of these women knew there was a child-restriction on their special day. And why would you not welcome children at a party to welcome the arrival of a child? It just seems rude to me...maybe I am wrong. My husband thinks I am over-reacting, but I for one do not want to be somewhere that my child is not welcome.
Anyone else feel this way? Or am I just crazy.....
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 13 Apr 2009 02:03
I completely agree with you. I will be throwing a shower soon, and one guest just had a baby. I thought it would be great if she wanted to bring the baby to remind everyone what a sweet bundle of joy we are welcoming into the world, and not just gathering to play silly games. I would think bringing a baby would get everyone ooohing and awwwing and excited for a new arrival more than guessing what kind of chocolate is in the diaper, lol.
I think what the most recent hostess told you was very rude. Does she have children? If not, I bet she doesn't understand. I would try to kindly explain your case again, and if she continues to be rude, I would probably not go to the shower.
Also, sadly even if the mommy-to-be would welcome your child at the shower, it's probably not at her own house, where she would be able to override the decision...
Anyway, I just wanted you to know it's not just you! And this made me think of a good theme for a baby shower. Duh... BABIES. Everyone should be able to bring their small kids and babies for everyone to love, and for mommy-to-be to get in some last minute practice!
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 11 May 2009 16:13
The problem is not with the small bundle of joy attending the shower but with the larger bundles of joy who parents think are soooo adorable that they don't discipline them. I personally don't want to have to share the spotlight on my special day with your whining, irritable, watch little Johnny say his ABCs child who sticks his hand in the onion dip at the buffet table. No this may not be your particular situation but we've all had enough bad experiences that you really can't blame people for being leery of allowing a bunch of kids into their home. Also, it's not the hostess' responsibility to provide a separate space and a sitter for your convenience. I'm with the hostess, get your own sitter and enjoy a day of adult conversation.
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sue
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# Posted: 16 May 2009 17:36
I recently attended a baby shower..EVERYONE brought their children. A infant should be allowed with it's mother.
BUT the older children shouldn't have been there. Approx.35 children, screaming, into the food at the buffet table. I have never seen such a terrible shower in my Life. The children ruined it..when the new mom opened her gifts , there was so much commotion I didn't hear, who gave what gift. One child was actually under the guests table , going through guests pocketbooks. Was horrible.
June 14th My daughter is having her baby shower..she is having "Triplets" there will be approx 95 women. We rented a country club. I am praying that the young mothers, only bring the new babies..& NOT their older children. It's going to be enough, with our guests, without having 25-50 children running around...getting into buffet and other decorations. The only children invited are 13 yrs old and my daughters God Children.,,But we did NOT specify NO children either...So will have to wait & PRAY!!!
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Bernadette
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# Posted: 1 Jun 2009 22:01
OMG!!! I have 4 kids and have had 6 showers-kids were at every one! There were no problems at all with any of the kids. Because my FRIENDS attended. If one of my kids or anybody else's acted up one of us corrected the child. Friends can do that. If you just invite everybody you have ever met in hopes of getting alot of things then you may run into problems. Yes showers are about the mom-to-be but I would rather have my friend who has a child bring her child than not be able to come at all.
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Miss T
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# Posted: 2 Jun 2009 03:47
I agree that only little children should be allowed to attend, no one wants an unpleasant situation.
My Friend & I are arranging a baby shower for our best friend, there won't be many people but I cannot wait for little bundles of joy with ten tiny fingers & toes!
So im holding thumbs for babies!!!
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Kay
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# Posted: 3 Sep 2009 14:05
And I don't even think infants should be at a baby shower. The day is supposed to be special for the mother to-be, and an infant can steal her thunder! That mother presumably had her own baby shower where she was the star of the show.
And when and invitation is addressed to you, it means you....not you and a date, or you and your kids, or you and your girlfriend. When you ask a hostess if you can bring your date, child/ren, pal to an event, it is presumptuous and puts her in an uncomfortable postion.
Just my two cents.....that's all it's worth, I know..........
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 15 Sep 2009 06:39
I have a 13 month old. He is an adorable, very well behaved child, but is at the stage where he wants to get into everything. The hostess should not have to completely rearrange her home to child proof it for someone else's child. Get a baby sitter, enjoy the day celebrating the new mom's joy and realize there will be many, many events where your child will not be welcome.
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showerdiva
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# Posted: 28 Sep 2009 14:08
I am about to host a shower for my bestfriend on Saturday. I have put alot of work into a creative theme & decor, as well as alot of coordination for this function of about 26-30 women. And then one of my bestest friends tells me she is bringing her 3 yr old. FINE. I just wanted to inform her that her child would be the only one there and the setup of the shower was alot more formal than she probably expected, with formal table seatings, etc. That way she would have a head's up of what she was getting herself into. I would want to know if it was the other way around. Also I wanted to make sure I had a chair for her daughter next to her, etc. The shower is not at my house and is not at a very child friendly home. Unlike her own shower where there were tons of kids everywhere and it was just more of an informal cookout with people everywhere & anywhere, sitting on the floor, no decor, etc. There will be tables & seating, etc. I dont see how my friend is going to enjoy the shower and be able to play games & chat.. as 3 yr olds need constant attention, supervision & activity. The worst part is she got such an attitude with me and acted as if I dont understand what its like to be a mom, etc. She actually said, its a baby shower for Gods sake, not a formal dance. I can see it now.. As I try to host and coordinate games, I am constantly interuppted by the voice of a 3yr old.. Mommy Look. MOMMY! MOMMY Everyone will Ohhh & Ahhhh she when arrives, but when its time to try to run a smooth relaxing shower, she will be a pain in my neck. MY OWN KID WOULD BE A PAIN IN MY NECK. And I am SOOOO sick & tired of mothers taking personal offense to their kids not being invited to certain events. You wanted children. YOU HAD CHILDREN.Children should not be welcome EVERYWHERE. Get over it. What about having respect for the hostess.. for all the planning, coordinating, time & money she has put into this. To you a baby shower is NO BIG DEAL.. but thats because its not your time or money that has gone into it. Its not my job to make this shower child friendly.. its my job to make sure the mom to be has a wonderful time. I will say every child is different & every age group is different. But personally if your children doesnt fit snuggly into your arms or can play unsupervised THEN your child doesnt belong.
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 30 Sep 2009 19:35
If it's a formal shower, then children should be restricted. However, I have rather informal parties and this time I even have a play center for the kids to play on so they don't get bored. So many mothers would not be able to make it if they couldn't bring their kids. Babysitters cost and none of us are rich. I make it a point to incorporate the children into the party. Fortunately, there aren't 30 of them showing up at the small parties we have.
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veronica
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# Posted: 3 Oct 2009 00:42
I just recently went to a baby shower where it was held at a park and I think if weather permits it should be and then there should be no problem for kids to come. I also understand it depends on their age and how well behaved they are and if they've been taught any manners. The shower is for the mother to be and the spotlight should be on her. I think it also depends on the parent of the children attending if the child is very active and how much supervision the child will need because the parent bringing the child will also want to spend time with others and the mom to be. I feel it should be discussed with the mother to be and let her help make the decision about other kids attending and if there would be something for them to do.
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 4 Oct 2009 07:23
I am a mother of 2 and dearly love my children...but there are times and places that it is very appropriate to NOT have children present. I stongly believe any sort of wedding/shower/adult party is one of them. I don't care if it is a baby shower. It is not a playdate. It is about the GUEST OF HONOR not about your children. Please think about what they want and respect the host/hostess as well. Please get a sitter well in advance. If the inviatation has strictly your name on it...then you are the ONLY one invited. It is has your name and family or you and your children's names...well that is a different story.
Both my bridal and baby showers were adults/ladies only. I loved it that way...we were able to chat without the daily distractions of our beautiful (but let's face it, very distracting and messy) children. My wedding/reception was a family event and the invitation made it very clear. It was much more of a family environment. I have been to many where it was the opposite and I gladly got a sitter.
AMEN SHOWERDIVA!
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Jellie Bean
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# Posted: 23 Oct 2009 10:10
Well, I'm about to host a shower and I am allowing babies/children to attend because otherwise I'd be left without any guests for the mother to be (in this situation). However, I did rent a hall that doesn't have any thing children can really destroy so that's why. If hosting any type of shower in my home was my only option I probably would 1) not host or 2) not allow children. Why? I'm sorry but, a lot of parents do not discipline their children. Maybe some parents do but, some don't. To me - it's just not cute to see Junior running around popping balloons and ripping my hard to setup decorations and dropping red punch on my white carpet. This is about the mother to be not about a play date for someone who can't find a sitter. So, if someone is hosting in their home I can see why it would be adults only. Children who are ill mannered can make a mess in a host's home especially if it's not child proof.
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