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Anonymous
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# Posted: 23 Jul 2008 06:04
My good friend asked me to host a shower for her at my house and I agreed. She wants a very nontraditional shower -- a "welcome baby" shower after baby is born, and co-ed, with the father at the shower also. I asked for contact information for her family and she said she would rather do the invitations herself. Since then, she has put more and more requests on me, including asking for a birthday cake for her husband since his birthday is the same day, and she has invited over 30 people to my house which, frankly, my house will not fit. I don't want to stress her out by arguing with her because she's a week away from giving birth, and it's too late to un-invite guests or change the location, since she already started sending out invites before I even saw the list. How can I handle this issue?
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 30 Jul 2008 06:29
I don't know that there really is much you can do. It seems the ball is already in motion and to far down the hill to stop it.
The only thing I could say is maybe afterwards just tell her it upset you but realistically. After it's over it would probably just put strain on your relationship but the "Headache" would be over so it may not be worth it :(
I would however tell her if she wants a cake for her husband there to handle that on her own. You agreed to throw a baby shower not a birthday party. The baby will already be born from the sounds of it by the time the party rolls around so I'd think she could handle that much.
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 13 Oct 2008 14:06
Wow. Though the "welcome baby" part is fine and good, there is just no accounting for her asking that you also provide a birthday cake and 2nd celebration. I'm unsure if you've held the post-birth shower party yet, but would be curious to know what you chose to do and how it went. Unfortunately, had she had it in July, you could have at least had some overflow of guests outside, rather than cramming everyone inside.
If, by any tiny chance you haven't hosted it yet, I'd tell her to get her own husband's birthday cake, in a polite way, and suggest, in the nicest possible way, that if she has a future baby shower with you (which I highly doubt will happen) that you just can't have so many people at your house and you'd have to look into a separate facility or somebody else's home. That might be an easier way of showing how overwhelming this is for you without ruining your friendship, if done carefully and at the right time.
You have my sincere sympathies on this one. Good luck!
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 16 Oct 2008 13:11
When she asked you for the birthday cake, you needed to tell her right away, that would not be possible.
Suggest that she either pick one up from a bakery or have another relative take care of it.
It is not unreasonable, to get help from someone, such as food preparations, games, supplies, something, anything.
Well, like they say hindsight is 20/20.
I hope it went well.
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 30 Dec 2008 15:28
I don't know how to post a new blog but I thought this blog best fits my fustration. My sister in law is having a baby. Her mother, sister and myself agreed to do the baby shower for her cause she has few friends. 1. She said that she must approve everything before it goes out (she didn't give money for anything.)
2. She wanted her picture on the invitation. She hasn't even taken maternity pictures yet. The shower is in a week and a half and the invitations are late.
3. She wants Chinese and Mexican Food (but doesn't know the exact foods)
Actually, the list goes on and on. I have a headache typing this. I just want to quit but I gave my word that I would help. What should I do?
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jackie
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# Posted: 19 Feb 2009 12:07
In my opinion If your throwing the party it should go your way, Just because she's having a baby does not mean the world revolves around her. My moms throwing mine, I'm pitching in too, giving her my friends info. and what not, but im not telling her what kind of food i want or anything like that. Im jsut great full she's doing this for me.
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marinewife
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# Posted: 22 Feb 2009 09:09
Hello everyone I need your opinions .. Here's the situation I have a friend who is about to have their second child and she recently found out that it's going to be a girl (they already have a son who is in the 2nd grade)
At first I'd told her along with another friend we would host a little something for her. But, since that time I've had death in my family, my husband is deployed overseas, my husbands grandmother has passed away and we've lost 2 men from my husbands unit which they are deployed and 4 have been seriously wounded and I'm trying to assist the wives of those men at this time.
I'm simply over extended and she is going full blast with me telling me what kind of cake she wants, how many people, food, and places the people are to purchase her gifts! OMG I am just so mad right now..
My question is how do I explain to her that I'm not made out of money I can't put this together alone. I'm already over extended and feel that helping the wives of these Marines who have been injuried is more important that listening to her tell me how to do her shower.
Don't get me wrong here but I think she is asking me for a lot here and I've tried to tell her how I feel. But, she continues to push and push and honestly I'm just about to tell her listen since you're busy telling me how to do , what to do and when to do.. Throw it yourself.
In my heart another friend and I were only doing this because she mentioned that on her 1st shower no one showed up. So we felt bad for her and was only going to do something SMALL nothing like what she is pushing down my throat now!
My friend who was going to assist me with this SMALL shower has since moved to another base. It's like she is begging or something then on top of that she even goes so far as to tell no one is coming around the baby and spoling it. I'm thinking so you want people to buy you all this expensive stuff, but you don't want anyone to visit you and the baby later on after you've settled? Come on! What is that about?
Sorry this is long, but I'm just so mad well upset about this until I can hardly stand it. I'm being easy with her because she's carrying a baby but I'm almost at my wits end. She's not the only lady in this world who's carried a baby and this is her second child. Arrghhhh!! Any advice people is truly appreciated.. And I thank you in advanced.
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Jenn
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# Posted: 24 Feb 2009 05:28
WOW! First off let me tell you how sorry I am for your loss, I am a Navy wife of 11 years. I know you have tried to explain this to her but just let her know face to face so she might get it that you had every intention of throwing her a baby shower but right now there is to much going on and that you need to spend you energy supporting your fellow military wives, maybe she would be open to a home coming for baby shower but not on the scale she wants. If she gets angry I would say that she is selfish and wouldn't of appreciated anything you have done in the first place. Good luck and my God be with you and you fellow military and their families.
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 24 Feb 2009 17:06
if she really is a good friend, i think she will understand if you put your foot down on certain issues with good reason
i mean come on...its a baby shower, not a birthday party
tell her she can do her husbands bday party at her own house and you will be glad to help her plan it
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roberta
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# Posted: 2 Mar 2009 19:06
Not to sound so far gone here BUT - Ladies, learn to say No. I really do feel sorry for the ones that are being bullied into this. Throwing a shower for someone, be they a friend or family member should be fun, not overwhelming. It sounds to me as if your soon-to-be mothers are taking advantage of you. If your friendships, or family ties, are truly that strong than it won't suffer from you expressing your opinions or your minds for that matter. My daughter, fortunately, has been very understanding with my budget. I did tell her no on one issue and we worked it out with an alternative. P.S. Birthday cake--take a hike on that issue.
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marinewife
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# Posted: 13 Mar 2009 17:49
Thanks for your advice. I have spoken with my friend in person, but she is set on this baby shower. I am not one to bend and just give in so I had to simply explain what "NO" means nicely.
She told me that they were in debt with credit cards and what not this in my opinion explains why she is like this. Nevertheless we all have bills to pay, lives to live and she will have to make it along with her husband the best they can having a second child. No offense but as I told her you both should have been responsible enough to "think" can you afford a second child? If not used protection double it up if necessary.LOL. OR just say "NO" to sex! LOL
Again thanks for the advice everyone I so appreciate it have a wonderful safe weekend!
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 23 Mar 2009 09:28
In my opinion and my recollection there is only one baby shower given... that was with her first born.. you say she has a two year old.. Hello.. that was the one baby shower... :)
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confused
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# Posted: 31 Mar 2010 13:52
Wow....I sympathize with all of you. Please let me get my story out here. I have to start with some background information before I can get to the baby shower part. My fiance and I have been together for 8 years now. My friend who is pregnant now (happily married for almost 3 years) used to date my fiances best friend. They had a horrible break up, and both were very immature about it. At my engagement party in December, my "friend" made a HUGE issue out of my fiances best friend coming to the party, because her husband would be there, and she didnt want them at the same party. She basically went behind my back, called my Mother-in-law and told her that my fiance couldnt have his best friend at our engagement party. Anyway, I forgave her for that. A week after the engagement party, she told me that she didnt want to be friends anymore, because I would be talking to her ex (my fiances best friend) now, and he would be coming to my house and what not. I told her that was fine by me, and we stopped talking for about 8 weeks. A few weeks ago, she called me telling me she misses me, and wants to be friends again. So like a naive idiot, I said ok, and let things get back to normal right away. She then started talking about a baby shower for herself, and how no one else had offered to throw her one. Stupidly I told her I would host one for her (forgetting the huge issues she made about the bridal shower I threw her - she basically told me it wasnt as fun as other showers she had been too). Anyway, I emailed a few of her friends, asking for help, as I cant afford this party she wants on my own (I have my own wedding to save for), and not one person has responded to the email (its been 2 weeks now). She expects way too much from everyone, but she never gives anything in return. My fiance told me that she only called me again, because she knew no one else would give in and throw her a shower, but that Im too nice, and she knew she could sucker me into it. Now, I am stuck holding this shower on my own. And I dont know what to do. Monetarily speaking, I can afford it, but I dont know if I want to spend all this money on someone I know wont appreciate any of it, and will probably just cause issues around my wedding like she did at my engagement party. Im so confused, please help!
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